Falling Leaves
by Scoutette
Summary: Kouji was right: the leaves still fall. No matter what happens, the leaves will always fall and the snow will always follow. The world will always turn. Day will always follow night. Darkness will always need light. suicide, cutting, lots of angst


AN/ i don't know where this idea came from...but it wouldn't leave me alone so i wrote it down. For clearification: this is from Kouichi's p.o.v., directed at Kouji.

You once told that no matter what, the leaves would still fall. That no matter what happened to anyone, the world would be the same. Leaves would fall, and snow would follow. You told me that nothing and no one could change that. I remember laughing, thinking it was a joke.

_**I**__ wish that I could have saved you._

You used to laugh at everything, and even if I didn't think it was funny, I would laugh along with you. I was just glad you were happy. After a while, you were the only one who could make me smile. I was happy. I should have known you weren't.

_**M**__aybe if I'd been sooner._

Before I meet you, I would surround myself in crowds of people. I didn't like any of them, and I didn't talk to them. But I needed to be surrounded. I don't know why. After I meet you, I was happiest when it was just me and you. I didn't need to be surrounded by people. Now, I hate being surrounded. It's suffocating. None of them are you.

I remember when I found out about the scars on your wrists. I was horrified. You thought I was disgusted. Honestly, I was. I thought it was the ugliest thing I'd ever seen: proof that I couldn't take your pain away. I asked you why. You told me that you need your writs to bleed to keep your heart from dying. I wanted to tell you that you didn't need to. You had me, and I'd keep your heart alive. I wanted to promise that I'd be there for you. I still don't know why I didn't say anything.

_**S**__ometimes I wonder why,_

You didn't leave a note. You didn't say goodbye. You didn't tell me why. I want to know. I want to be able to blame something. But you didn't tell me, so I'm left blaming myself. I would have done anything for you. I wish I could have done what you needed me to.

_**O**__nly to find that I don't know._

We told each other everything. I didn't have any secrets from you. Brothers aren't suppose to have secrets. Then again, twins aren't supposed to live apart. I know you kept things from me. You probably thought you were keeping me safe. I didn't keep anything from you. I treasured every moment with you, and I wanted you to know everything about me. I wanted to know everything about you. I didn't know you growing up. I didn't know your past firsthand. I wanted to make up for it by knowing everything about right now. I'm glad that I made the most of every moment with you. I don't know why it had to end.

_**R**__ain hides tears, but they keep falling._

Did you know that it rained the day you died? I always hated the rain. I didn't go to see you that day because I couldn't find an umbrella and I really didn't feel like going out in the rain. I waited for it to stop. Around noon, the sun came out. Did you know that? I went to find you. I had been bored all day, and I wanted to see my brother. I remember knocking on your door. Dad answered it. He told me you were in your room. I ran up the stairs, I wanted to see you. Your door was closed, but you always told me that I could come right in. And that's what I did, without a second thought. You weren't in your room. I checked the bathroom. I found you. You were slumped on the floor, and I started screaming. I don't have to tell you how I found you, do I? After all, you're the one that slit your wrist to deep in the wrong spot. You're the one who died, so you must know how. I know how to, and when, and where. I don't know why.

_**R**__emembering happy times makes the end hurt more._

I can't help but think of every time you smiled. Every time you joked around. Every time you were happy. Where you really happy? People keep telling me to think of all the good times we shared. It doesn't help, because every time I remember how happy we were I'm reminded that you were too sad to live.

_**Y**__ou were my world._

I look out the window. It's just like you promised, the leaves are still falling.

But you were wrong when you said that everything would be the same.

thanks for reading!


End file.
